


Parenthood

by iwannalovebucky



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Drunk Sex, F/F, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Parenthood, Pregnancy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2020-08-19 08:20:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20206633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iwannalovebucky/pseuds/iwannalovebucky
Summary: Natasha knows what she can do. Being a mother isn’t one of those things. You think otherwise. But will she be a parent of someone else’s child?





	Parenthood

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“What do you mean? We’ve been together for so long but you don’t want children? You don’t want to build a future with me? What is all this for then?!” You really couldn’t understand your girlfriend anymore. Having a child, becoming a mother had always been a dream of yours. And until now you thought Natasha also wanted that.. with you. But apparently you didn’t know her as well as you thought you did.

“y/n, I love you, you know that!”

“..but?” All you could do was stare at her from the other side of the room. Distance made you feel safer.

“But I don’t love children.”

“But I do!” You almost started crying now.

“y/n, please..” She took a step towards you.

“Please what? Please throw away your dreams and hopes for me?” Taking a step back you regained your distance again. “Is that what you want from me?”

She paused. Whatever was going on in her mind right now, it didn’t seem to go in the direction you wanted it to go. “No,” she said, plainly. “Of course I don’t want that.” Her shoulders sank.

“But you also don’t want children,” you concluded, a tear now finally making her escape from your eye.

“No.” A single word could hurt so much. You never knew.

-

You waited for her to come back. You waited and hoped and waited and hoped. But she didn’t come. You weren’t sure if you actually expected her to return or if it was just stupid, delusional hope but either way – it broke your heart over and over again, every day.

One day you simply had enough of all the waiting and the hoping. You weren’t meant to just sit at home and wait for someone to come back who doesn’t want to. It never bothered you to wait for her to come back from missions because you knew that she wanted to be back in your arms just as much as you wanted to be back in hers but this was different. It hurt differently. It felt pointless and more heartbreaking than any other waiting you ever had to sit through.

So you decided to stop waiting. To get out of your room and into a bar. You don’t remember a lot about what happened afterwards. Snippets of drinks filling your mouth and lips kissing yours, hands touching you that don’t feel like Natasha’s. Every memory of the last night feels wrong, off somehow. So does waking up next to a stranger with a burning headache.

As much as you tried to remember more about him, you couldn’t. Finally you just let your head fall back against the pillow, turning your back to him. Looking at him and imagining the things you probably did with him made you sick. Even more so than your hangover. How could you do that? Natasha was the only one for you.

_But she left you_, you remembered. _Right. So this is fine. We’re not together anymore._ _I can fuck whoever I want._ Or so you tell yourself. Of course Natasha doesn’t have any right to be mad at you for sleeping with someone else but it isn’t her being angry that bothers you. It just doesn’t _feel_ right. You don’t want this. Him. You want her. You always have. Always will. When you first saw her, first met her, first touched her, first kissed her – it always made you forget about everyone else. Everyone else you had ever met, touched or kissed. None of them mattered anymore. And they didn’t now. The guy sleeping next to you didn’t matter to you. You didn’t care about him and he didn’t care about you. Hell, you couldn’t even remember him. And honestly, you didn’t really want to.

You dwelled in your thoughts only to be interrupted by a small sigh from beside you. _He_ had woken up. You might as well look at him – and tell him to piss of.

“Hey.” He looked almost as delighted as you must have, his eyes almost closed, a hand shielding them from the light coming in through the window. It must have been almost noon.

“Hey,” your voice cut through the air. It smelled like alcohol and sweat. Like sex.

The two of you stared at each other, like you were trying to figure out what the other one was thinking. 

“I better get going,” he finally said. 

“Yeah.” You really didn’t feel like talking. With him or anyone else.

Turning away from him again your just heard him silently putting on his clothes and stepping out of your room, the front door being closed soon afterwards.

You let out a little scream into your pillow.

-

You woke up a bit later, the sun had already started to set but you still didn’t want to get up. What for, anyway? It was your day off and you didn’t have anything to do plus your hangover didn’t want you to get out of bed either. But the smell kept on reminding you of what you had done. It stung in your nose and made you think about things you didn’t want to think about.

It was better to let in some fresh air.

Stumbling over to the window you weren’t sure if you were going to throw up. Trying to get back to bed as quickly as possible to avoid just that you noticed something in the floor. A condom. _Urgh. Disgusting._ But well, at least you did use one. That was reassuring. So back to bed it was. You’d clean up later.

After napping for a bit longer you finally felt like you could actually stand up and move around without having to throw up. The fresh air really did help. Grabbing the near empty water bottle next to your bed you sat up, emptying it in not time. You could see the condom from over here. _Still disgusting._ Why did you decide to throw it away later? Letting the empty bottle fall onto your bed you slowly got up, taking a tissue from your nightstand to pick the old, wet and used condom up.

Picking it up you noticed that the floor was.. well.. _kinda white_. But how did.. _oh no._ Taking a deep breath you looked down. There it was. The condom in the tissue. Broken. The fucking condom was broken.

-

It had been a rough couple of days. Crying, panicking, calling friends just to hang up again, trying to focus on work and even more crying and panicking at night. You wanted to figure out what to do. Taking the morning-after-pill? Waiting and hope not to be pregnant? Have an abortion?

In the end, you couldn’t take the pill for you had spent too much time worrying and panicking, being undecided. And you wouldn’t have an abortion. You wanted to have a child. Not like this, not without Natasha but in the end, you wanted to have this child. Under whatever circumstances. 

Still, you hoped that you weren’t pregnant. Every night you just laid in bed, unable to sleep or think of anything else, of the cruel irony that now that you didn’t want a pregnancy you might get one. Anxiously you waited, hoped, prayed that your period would come.

But it didn’t. You waited and waited. You were long overdue but still you refused to acknowledge what you already knew, deep down. After three weeks you finally took the test. Well, you took five, actually. Just to make sure. All of them were positive.

-

Natasha took a deep breath. It had been weeks since she had last seen you. She wasn’t ready to face you but she knew that she had to. It was the mature thing to do. To move on with your life and learn how to live with a breakup. When she left a couple of weeks ago it had been a rush. Many of her things were still at your place and for a while she managed to go without them but now she figured it was time to get them back. She could do this. 

Taking another deep breath she finally knocked on your front door. After standing there for three minutes. Not that you would ever find out about that.

When you opened the door you looked terrible. Not that Natasha could ever think of you as ugly but you looked.. sad. Tired and sad. Exhausted.

“Hey.” You didn’t expect to see her here, like ever again. “What are you doing here?”

“Uh.. I wanted to, like..” Great. She was not exactly making things better now. “Pick up my stuff. Y’know?”

“Oh.. yeah.” Were you.. disappointed? “Sure. They’re over there.” You stepped aside to let her in, gesturing to the other side of the room. “I’ve packed them all together,” you told her in an awkward voice. “Didn’t want them all over the place.”

As the door closed behind her, Natasha tried to stay calm. She knew what she was getting herself into. _Just pick up the stuff and get out of here. It’ll be fine,_ she told herself.

As she inched closer to the box in the corner of the room something caught her eye.

“Nat..? You can.. just walk over there.” Your voice sounded confused. _Why did she stop?_ _What is she looking.. oh._

“You’re pregnant?!” Never had you seen her eyes a furious as now. Turning around it felt like flames slashing through your skin, her piercing eyes pinning you down.

“Natasha, I-“

“So when you couldn’t have a baby with me you just decided to go out and have one with someone else?!”

“Natasha please-“ All you wanted to do was explain to her what happened. Even if she would never come back to you, you couldn’t bear the thought of her hating you. “Please, I just..”

“Just what?” Natasha cut you off. “You just figured that would be a good idea?”

“No!” Trying to steady your voice you took a deep breath. When was the last time she had been so angry with you? Had she ever? “It wasn’t planned, it just kinda-“

“It just kinda happened, huh?” She wasn’t even looking at you anymore.

“Yes.” Your breaths came out puffy now. You had already started crying. “I didn’t want a child without you! And I never wanted.. I didn’t want things to end this way.” At least she wasn’t cutting you off for once. “But.. it happened. And now this-“ you gestured around the room, the to your belly, “-this is how it is now. And, look, I know you never wanted this, you never wanted a child and you specifically didn’t want a child with me so you can – you can just get your stuff and go.” Somehow you managed to stop your sobs from coming out until now. But now, there was no holding back.

Natasha simply looked at you. At least something. Her eyes weren’t furious anymore, they were sad and hurt. Somehow, that was even worse.

“Go!” Now you were the one yelling. “Just go, okay?” Tears clouded your eyes and made their way to your lips, covering all of your cheeks.

“I’m sorry.” Her hands were on yours suddenly, pulling them away from where you had been wiping your tears. “I’m sorry.” Arms pulled you into a hug. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

There was nothing left to do for you but cling onto her one more time. You doubted it would ever be like this again.

She pulled away way too early. “Tell me what happened.”

-

It was a long, draining conversation. Neither of you had a real plan what you were supposed to do now that you were having a baby. But for whatever reason Natasha began to understand you. Not once did she try to talk you out of having it. She seemed genuinely concerned and worried about you.

“Thank you for trying to help, Natasha, I really appreciate it. But I don’t think there is that much my ex-girlfriend can do for me right now.” You forced out a chuckle, trying to make it less uncomfortable to talk about your recent breakup.

“No,” she agreed. Her hands had gotten a hold of yours again after the two of you had taken a seat, her thumbs running soft circles the same way they used to weeks ago. “But maybe your girlfriend could help you.”

What was _that _supposed to mean now? She couldn’t-

“You mean.. you would..”

Her lips found yours again after all. You didn’t know what suddenly changed her mind and to be honest, you didn’t really want to ask. What if she changed her mind again? She probably wouldn’t do that, but what if.. you didn’t want to lose her again. 

As long as she wanted you, wanted this child, this family with you, nothing else mattered.

-

It wasn’t easy at first. And it might never get easy. Every time you looked at your belly you were reminded of three things:

  1. you were going to have a beautiful baby
  2. you were going to raise it with the love of your life
  3. neither of you wanted parenthood to go like this

Even if Natasha never made you feel bad about sleeping with some random dude (who unfortunately had no idea he was becoming a father) you still felt guilty about it. You could see Natasha expression sometimes. It wasn’t one you could read but you knew it was sad somehow. Unhappy. It wasn’t easy for her either. She knew just as well as you did that the child in your belly wasn’t supposed to be there. But it was. And both of you decided to be there for the small life that would soon come into the world.

Everyone was supportive of what you two were going to do. No one asked where you got pregnant. You didn’t know if it was because they figured it out themselves or because Natasha told them but either way, you were just happy and relieved to know that no one judged you (openly) for what a mess your life was right now.

It became better though. Step by step you braced yourself for what was coming. Bruce and Thor helped you buy toys and clothes, Tony and Pepper found a new apartment for the three of you, Steve and Bucky helped you set it up and Clint gave the best parenting advise any of the Avengers had (since he was the only parent in the group, that wasn’t too surprising).

Even through all the fear and anxiety of giving birth and raising a child that you weren’t too well prepared to have you still knew everything was going to be okay.


End file.
